It has been months, several months since I have written a blog post. I have journaled privately, but I haven't felt like I've had anything to publicly share for a long while. I am excited and nervous to be back and I want to dedicate a lot of time to making this blog an encouragement and inspiration for others.
So, where have I been for the last seven months?
I have been trying to make sense of my life and the direction that God has for me and my family.
I'm really not trying to be heavy, I just want to be honest about what I've been going through.
Zack and I moved from Georgia to Texas in May and now we have once again moved and are living in Ohio. So basically, we have been married for a year and a half and have lived in three different states.
Oh, and did I mention that I am six months pregnant? It's been a wild ride. I can honestly say that I do not understand what God was doing in our lives and so I didn't know what to tell people or what to write. I felt like I had to explain to everyone why we made the decisions that we have made, but all I can say is we are obeying God's direction and guidance. I won't go into detail on everything that has happened in the last year and you wouldn't want to hear about it,
believe me. All I can say is I have felt a little confused and lost myself so I didn't want to blog for the last several months.
I finally realized how silly that is. I feel that I have put an unrealistic pressure on myself to portray myself and my husband in a way that makes us look like we have it all together- and
I am so sorry. You see, I think that we have a tendency in our culture to only share the best of the best. When I upload a picture to Instagram I obviously crop out the dirty sock or anything else unpleasant to give you the best picture possible. So what you see is my handsome husband holding my adorable puppy on a very clean, staged couch, and you may get the wrong impression of what our life is like. I hope this makes sense.
I've also been terribly intimidated by other bloggers. I love reading other blogs and seeing these beautiful women mother their beautiful children while crafting and cooking and writing these life changing posts on how wonderful their lives are. I really do love and appreciate their blogs, I just don't love how it has affected me. It made me feel that I needed more. I needed a bigger house with prettier things and I needed to be amazing at everything and my pictures had to prove that. So, because I don't have all the things I thought I needed, I didn't want to put myself out there. I was embarrassed. But, I've come to the realization that I may not be the only person who feels that way. So, I've decided that I am going to share my life and my family and my ministry on this blog and just be real.
I'm back for good.
Honestly, I still want to capture the best moments. I don't think that my best moments will be all that fabulous though. I am just me. I'm a normal, young newlywed who is experiencing pregnancy for the first time and I want to share that. I want to remember that. I thought I had to post these beautiful pictures of my baby bump and have the most fabulous nursery for anyone to care. But, let's be honest, there is not a whole lot of glamour involved in pregnancy as Pinterest would have us to believe. I am in my sweats with a headache and a UTI right now and my nursery is basically a storage room of all the boxes we've yet to unpack. Pregnancy is still beautiful, but not fabulous in the least. But, you should know that our baby is a boy and we are due February 20. His name is Titus and I swear I am already obsessed with this child. February can't get here fast enough!
Zack and I now live in Warren, Ohio and we are the happiest that we've ever been. I feel totally at peace about where God has us and am so excited for the ministry that we are involved in. We are renting a two bedroom, one bathroom house that is old and dishwasherless. I am grateful anyway. We painted the walls a light blue and have worked to make it cute and homey for us.
Stick around and follow the blog, cause it's about to get real up in here! I'm excited.
I missed you all.
XO, Ash
I promise that I am excited for your arrival although I am not quite prepared for you to come just yet. I feel guilty that your nursery looks the way that it does and that we don't have all of the things that you need as of now. It doesn't mean that we aren't excited for you. You will be spoiled rotten I'm sure of it... we've just been procrastinating. Christmas will be good for you this year even though you won't really be here to experience it. Daddy and I have been dreaming about next Christmas when we will have you here with us. We are so unbelievably excited for all the ways that you are going to change our world. Our family will be complete once you are born. God has truly blessed us with you. You are a miracle, little boy and we are already wrecked with our love for you. Only a couple more months of me carrying you in my belly and as badly as I want to fast forward to your birthday I am enjoying this time of bonding for just the two of us. I can't wait to see your eyes and nose and squishy lips. We saw them on an ultrasound a couple of days ago, but its hard to tell much. However, I can see that you are beautiful. I am hoping that you have your daddy's dimples and that your smile lights up every room you enter. We will have to wait and see. Mommy loves you. Counting down the days until I hold you in my arms.
