In lieu of Valentine's Day I got to thinking about my marriage, and I came up with a list of 5 things that I have learned since becoming a wife. Trust me, (or ask my husband) I am no expert on marriage and I am certainly not the greatest wife around. I have so many shortcomings and so many things that I am constantly convicted of and trying to improve on. Despite any of this, I have made a list. My list is about 5 things that I have learned (not mastered) since becoming a wife. My prayer is that this list will serve as an encouragement or a reminder to those who are planning to become a wife or those who have been married for awhile. It seems like the longer I'm married the harder it is to practice these 5 things.
Here goes...
1. My marriage is not all that I imagined during my engagement.
You may be engaged right now and think, "Bummer! I really have everything so perfectly imagined in my head, it would be so nice if it turned out that way!"
Don't get me wrong, a few things are exactly like I imagined them to be.
But, for the most part... its real life. I am not living in a fairytale.
Sometimes, we wake up cranky.
Sometimes, I don't want to cook dinner.
Sometimes, my husband does things that are really annoying.
Sometimes, I don't want to snuggle.
Sometimes, I need my space.
I didn't think about any of those things during our engagement. I only thought about the romantic dinners and the movie nights. I thought about long walks and holding hands. I thought about the vacations and the deep discussions that we would have. I thought about finally waking up to the one I love every morning.
Occasionally, we have romantic dinners and snuggle up on the couch. All the time, I love him with all that I have. I just wish I wouldn't have expected some unrealistic and weird fantasy of perfection. Our marriage is a real one. It's beautiful and messy and busy all at the same time.
2. I am not a perfect wife.
I truly expected to be some domestic goddess when I was preparing to be a wife. I would think about how every day when my husband came home I would make sure that dinner was ready and that everything was clean and in order. I thought I would never get behind on laundry and never would I forget to go to the grocery store. I also thought that I would stick to the cleaning list I made.
You know those cleaning lists on Pinterest that schedule cleaning assignments for different days...
Yeah, I really thought I would stick to that list.
Boy, was I crazy. I am in no form or fashion anywhere close to being June Cleaver. I am Ashle'.
I am messy, forgetful, and at times a little irresponsible. If you walked in my apartment right now, you wouldn't report me to hoarders.However, you would find dog toys everywhere and a couple of dishes in the sink. You would also find me in sweat pants and in a ponytail.
Which is not at all the kind of wife I thought I would be.
3. My husband is not a perfect husband.
Yikes. This one really stinks. My husband is fantastic, he really is.
He loves me unconditionally, he surprises me. I could truly brag on him all day long.
But
Sometimes, he disappoints me.
Occasionally, he doesn't want to talk.
Rarely, he is in a bad mood.
All the time, he is human.
He makes mistakes.
If you're getting married soon... remember that your husband will still be a human.
There is no magic wand that waves over him once you say, "I do".
He will hurt your feelings, he will say stupid things. Practice forgiveness, because you're going to need it.
4. I have to watch my mouth.
It is so important that I respect my husband. I can build him up or tear him down with words so easily. Unfortunately, I really have a mouth on me. I am way too quick to tell my husband exactly what I think or how I feel about something. So many fights in the earlier days of our marriage could have been avoided if I would have just shut up! I am doing better in this area, thankfully. I have learned to be patient and filter a sentence before I speak it. Sometimes, the words get away from me. I am a work in progress. Lately, I have been learning a lot more about the power of the tongue. Most of the verses that I have learned have been in Psalms and Proverbs.
Here are a few :
Psalm 19:14
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.
Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 15:4
A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
And, my personal favorite...
Proverbs 21:23
Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.
If I could go back, I would have memorized these during my engagement. Write them down and learn them if you're preparing to be a wife. Scripture can influence your marriage in a super positive way.
5. Never forget who comes first.
My relationship with God should always be my first priority. If I let my husband move to that number one place in my life, things get ugly real quick. I have to make my time with The Lord a sacred, personal time of growth in my own heart. Every time I pray I ask God to give the wisdom and strength to keep Him number one in my life. I don't hide that struggle from God and I couldn't even if I wanted to.
Zack and I keep God first in our marriage and in our home by praying not only individually but together. I love hearing my husband pray. It gives me a glimpse into his heart and what he is feeling. There is truly nothing greater than the spiritual bond between us. We also share scripture and quotes that speak to us and in our current circumstance. Doing so brings us so much closer together.
I hope you enjoyed reading those 5 things and that you can implement them into your own marriage. I could probably make a longer list, but those were the things that came to mind first. What are some things that you have learned in your own marriage or relationship that you would add to my list? Let me know in the comments section! As always, feel free to email me personally at ashleannepotter@gmail.com
