Only God

Sisters,

I know it has been such a long while since I have posted on this blog.
I have truly wanted to several times but haven't been able to find the right words...

I can honestly say that I have been severely challenged in the last two months on literally everything that I have written previously on this blog. I have been challenged with forgiveness, trusting in God, believing His promises and staying faithful in prayer and reading His Word. Only recently have I begun to feel like my head is above water again and I can now think clearly and am beginning to have some peace about the recent events in my life.
I personally do not think it is appropriate to go into detail about what has recently happened in my life, however it is no secret to most of you about what has recently happened at the church. I can honestly say that I have never experienced greater hurt or confusion ever before and we will just leave it at that.
That being said, I want to remind you girls that trials inevitably enter our lives. I feel like before when I wrote to you girls I was telling you the truth about every topic we talked about. Truth that I believed - and still do. However, I didn't have much (if any) real life experience to back it up. Now, I can honestly say from experience that when those trials come you will have the opportunity to experience God like never before. When my little world first began to shake I couldn't figure out what God was doing and I didn't know what to do or where to go or who to talk to. I literally felt like I could not function properly. My head constantly hurt and my heart raced. I was ALWAYS on the verge of tears and most days when I could get alone I couldn't stop crying. I felt like I had no control over my emotions.

For the first time in my life, I had nowhere to turn but to God.

No human person could fix it, only God.
Only God could make sense of the trial I was going through.
Only God could give me peace.
Only God could put me on the path to forgiveness.
Only God.

Girls, don't wait for your world to fall apart before turning to God. Give Him EVERYTHING. 
Give Him the mornings that don't go as planned. Give Him the mistakes that you have made. Give Him the bad grade that you made on your last test. Give Him that relationship that you are trying to restore. Give Him the car you need, but can't afford. Give Him the job that you would love to have.
Give it ALL to Him EVERY SINGLE DAY of your life.

I really wish I had been in the habit of giving it all to Him when I entered this trial. Maybe then it would have been easier, maybe I would have immediately realized that God is in control. That He holds it all. God knew before the foundation of this world where I would be today - living in uncertainty and trusting Him day by day. I have never had to fully rely on God until this season of my life and it has been so awesome. Some days are harder than others, but mostly I am just sitting in awe that He has provided for us not only financially but emotionally and spiritually. He has drawn my husband and I so much closer together. He has brought me so much closer to my parents and sisters as well.

He has made this mess into something so beautiful and amazing. At the end of my life I won't wish to trade this trial for something more fun. I'll know that this was our moment.
The moment where God started writing our story, where He made a way for us to be a part of something big and amazing all for His kingdom.
We are in a time of transition and waiting and during this time God is preparing us for what is ahead.
More trials surely await, but bring it on because God makes all things beautiful in His time and works it all together for our good.